The Rocc Flock: I Have Forgotten How to Function in Society

I have decided to try to blog once a week to capture all of this crazy life we are leading. However, today lends itself quite nicely to its very own entry.

The day started off normally enough.....I woke up to my alarm (yes 5:00 AM on a Saturday) and kind of wandered around the house for about 30 minutes. I find myself wandering quite often - both my body and my mind. When I was finally able to focus, I decided to get on the treadmill. 30 minutes later, I felt better. I kind of walked and ran while kind of paying attention to "The Great British Baking Show". This is good for me because it allows me time to just let my brain rest and let my mind wander while burning some calories at the same time. And let's be honest, the calorie burning is just as important as letting the brain rest.

I got off the treadmill and headed upstairs. Everyone was still sleeping so I made my list for the day. I have learned to only put about 3 - 4 things on my list and the twins' list per day. There's so much to get done each and every day and usually we can get at least 3 or 4 things done. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment when I see everything crossed off our lists.

The day proceeded pretty normally from there. I'm crying...a lot...I cry at things the twins' teachers say and send them, I cry after talking to my dad, I cry after seeing things on Facebook. Typical stuff. I have told the twins it's good for me to cry so it stops scaring them. Cameron shared with me that his one nightmare involved trying to save me from a fire. That stopped me in my tracks as I realized how much stress I'm putting on him with me being so upset all the time. I can't stop the crying -- but they now know it's good for Mommy to cry. "Better out than in!" is our new motto.

So we bought a hot tub today...pretty exciting as we weren't planning for this to happen until September. However, we decided to jump on the lower prices and are also worried if we don't get one now, they'll be sold out for months and months and months. It's weird to think about, right? Just imagine the lines to get into restaurants when we can go out to eat again. Imagine the wait there will be to get into a hair dresser. Thankful we have our Disney trip booked for October and fingers crossed it can all happen. I feel so bad for people whose trips have been or will be canceled and I wonder how long of a wait it will be in order to book a trip in the future.

I decided I needed some self care today. I think I have entered into a state of depression. I'm very tired. I can't focus. A lot of things that normally bring me joy are gone. I know that Michael and I are in a much better situation than many other people but I'm still hurting and struggling.

Anyway...Michael, still being the wonderful husband that he is even in the midst of his wife being very near a breakdown, loaded the bike onto his car for me and off I went to the Rail Trail. I was excited and feeling optimistic that this would be good for me. Then I realized I forgot my mask...then I realized there were way too many people on the trail for me to feel comfortable with the ride...so I quickly turned around and rode back to the car. I loaded the bike back on Mike's car and decided to make a few phone calls. I called Rachel - a past student of mine who is doing a wonderful job of running virtual rehearsals for my select choirs. I left that conversation feeling really good. I then called Dr. Peggy Dettwiler to discuss her invitation for the Nightingales to sing at Carnegie Hall in January of 2021. That is still a go and I left that conversation feeing really good. I then called Mike and told him I was on my way home. I put the key in the ignition and turned it.....and nothing happened.

So here we go!!! Things I can no longer do in a society:

I cannot function in a car. Mike thinks my knee bumped the switch that turns the headlights on. Then when I got back into the car, I turned the key halfway to put the window down. I didn't turn the key back so that completely drained the battery. Thank goodness for Mike and Triple A....brand new battery and that crisis has been averted.

I cannot ride my bike on the Rail Trail anymore. It stressed me out more than relieved my stress. Back to parking lots it is!

Mike called Red Robin for our dinner tonight. When he came to deal with the car, I took my car and the twins to the Red Robin in Quakertown. After sitting at the curbside pick-up spot for over an hour (and having 2 employees check in with us) I finally realized I was at the wrong Red Robin. I feel bad for the employee who helped me realize this because I quickly dissolved into another puddle of tears as I left that Red Robin and drove to the other one. So -- I can't figure out which restaurants to go to anymore in order to pick up our food.

Things I can still do:

I can still be a fun mom. While we were waiting for Triple A to come, the twins and I went on an adventure in the woods around the park. We discovered a creepy burn pile that must have been there for a long time. The children have grand plans to start a YouTube Channel. You may see "Adventures with Allie and Cameron" in the near future -- the first episode may feature this hidden burn pile and me tripping over sticks and getting caught in briar patches.

We had a dance party in the car as we drove from Red Robin A to Red Robin B. Through my tears I told the twins we weren't going to let this get us down and I cranked up the radio. Oddly, one of my favorite songs was on -- Michael Franti's "I Love You". We had another pretty epic dance party, just inside the car.

I'm still able to at least drive a car....even while leading a dance party.

I can still be a friend. We chose a few choice people to send videos to...a few of me telling how amazing my day was going...a few of the twins being wild and crazy.

I can still eat. I have since eaten an entire Whiskey River Chicken Burger, fries, two brownies covered in icing and beer. Hence the getting up early and getting on the treadmill being a necessity.

A few pics...